


I Didn't Sign Up For This

by JotunPrincess



Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Crack, Drabble Collection, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Multi, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-25
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-02-26 23:59:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2671268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JotunPrincess/pseuds/JotunPrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>bunch of drapples of life as a musketeer when you are part of the inseparables. </p><p>life for d'Artagnan will never be the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. d'Artagnan finds something out about Porthos

**Author's Note:**

> wrote them because i could. if you have any ideas or silly thoughts drop me a message.

The others were always telling stories when they went out drinking. d'artagnan would sit and listen intently as he heard the tales of their own mishaps in their younger years.

"Porthos sleeps naked." Aramis stated, one night, "and he has absolutely no shame in it."

"I only sleep that way when we have time off." He corrected.

"Why do I need to know this?" the gascon questioned. 

"Because then you won't be shocked when you see it happen." Athos replied.

"He'll be shocked by something." Aramis sing-songed.

"Hey shut up before we put your business out there." Porthos told him.

Since they were drunk d'Artagnan paid the three no mind. He wished he'd taken said warning to heart.

The boy hadn't be sure what brought him to the man's room. Or at least he didnt remember. No he remembered, he'd been cold in his room and there was no more chopped wood for the fire. 

In the last few months a silent rule had been written that they were to let themselves into the rooms of the others. Sort of an unspoken condition of the relationship the four men shared. "Porthos?" He called softly as he felt the warmth of the room. 

The response was a shift from said person. shaking his head d'Artagnan climbed into the bed but not without disturbing the other.

"Hurry up or I'll put you out and keep your feet to yourself." HE said. 

Trying to get comfortable he realized something and nearly fell out of the bed. The four had yet to reach the point in their unorthodox relationship where they'd shared the bed sexually, so to find himself in the bed with a naked Porthos shocked the other.

"Get in here." the older man ordered. 

"You're naked."

"You're going to see it eventually."

The gascon finally got back into the bed and felt strong arms wrap around him. "You know I'd never hurt you, or the others. If you're that uncomfortable I'll out some clothes on."

Shaking his head he snuggled in closer. "No, This is fine."


	2. Hold still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which bad judgement is made and d'artagnan pays the price.

"If you move again I swear I will have Porthos punch you." Aramis declared.

"If I punch him he might not wake up again." Porthos chuckled.

"Thats the point." Aramis frowned, as he cuffed the boy in the back of the head. 

"This is your fault anyway." d'Artagnan complained.

"Which is why I'm trying to fix it, stop moving." 

Getting up from his corner Athos strode over to the boy, "Look at me." he ordered.

Doing so D'artagnan was greeted with a fist.

"That's what it looks like when you punch me?" Porthos questioned.

"More or less." he replied. Reaching around he smacked Aramis in the back of the head. 

"Why?"

"Because it's your fault he fell into the bushes and got stuck by the porcupine in the first place."

Some of the quills had broken off leaving bits and pieces still stuck in the boys back.


	3. Ear All About It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has their sensitive points this time its time to find out Porthos'.

Every man had his own weaknesses or weak points. When Aramis first found it he was terrified he'd killed the man due to the circumstances at the time. 

For Athos it had been a momentary lapse in genuine curiosity. Aramis had told him and about it as a warning and he thought he'd test it for himself. Porthos went down like a ton of bricks. IT was sworn that his ears would never be touched and no one else would find out about it. That was before a certain gascon joined their lives and bed. 

They'd been sitting around a camp fire for the night. Porthos had fallen from his horse and ended up landing on his shoulder dislocating it. d'artagnan had the misfortune of hitting his head. So while the two were made to sit by the fire Athos and Aramis went about setting up camp for them.

"How did you end up with so much grass in your hair?" the boy asked with a smile as he reached over to pull some out. Deciding he wanted the comfort of his lover. Porthos leaned into the smaller male enjoying the moment as the boy played with his hair. 

"Get away from my ear." He said quickly when he got to close.

Thinking that it might only be a ticklish thing, like Aramis and his spine.

Tickling the larger man behind his ear caused Porthos to fall backwards onto the ground from the log they'd been on.

Aramis came over to help bring him back into a sitting position. 

"I'm sorry. I thought he was just ticklish I didn't know that would happen." d'Artagnan rambled.

"Don't worry. He's fine. We don't know why he does that though every time he just drops." Athos said rubbing the boys shoulder.

"No, harm done." Porthos said as he sat back up. 

"Least you were sitting this time." Athos pointed out.

"You were the one that caused him to fall off his horse that one night." Aramis reminded them.


	4. Drunk Up A Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys end up in a tree and the youngest just so happened to have a few bottles of wine with him.

"Just shut your mouth and keep running!" Athos shouted.

"Quick climb into the tree." Porthos suggested. 

The barking of the dogs could be heard still as they ran into the tree and started to climb to the higher branches.

With all four safe in the tree the group each shared a look.

"Well this isn't all bad." Aramis chuckled.

Three pairs of eyes glared at his form. 

"We're up here because of you!" d'Artagnan snapped.

"No we're up here because Porthos suggested it."

"I swear I'll shoot him right now." Athos said.

The dogs that had been chasing them found their tree keeping them in it even longer.

After the first hour the dogs stopped their barking and patrolled around the tree. 

"Give me my bottle of brandy. If Im going to die I want to die drunk." Athos said adjusting himself to get the bottle from d'artagnan.

"Give me mine too." Porthos ordered reaching for it.

"Might as well share a drink with comrades." Aramis said.

It was Athos who commented on the strong taste of the brandy. "IF that doesn't put the hair on your chest I don't know what will." he coughed.

"Quick, d'Artagnan drink it quickly." Porthos chuckled.

"Piss off." But the boy did drink.

Two hours come to pass and the four are all laughing themselves silly still staying up in a tree that is no longer guard by crazy dogs.

"You know d'Artagnan if you shave off that peach fuzz and put on ladies clothing you'd be a nice looking girl." Aramis commented. 

"Is that before or after the hair on his chest grows in?" Porthos laughed.

"That's why you have a scar on your face."

"I like my scar." Porthos pouted.

"You have a very nice scar Porthos." Athos commented.

"Wow how many bottles of wine did you promise to give up for that compliment?" D'Artagnan asked.

"Shut up or I'll kick you out of the tree."

-

A few yards away one very disappointed captain of the king's musketeers was shaking his head.

"Shall I go get them sir?" a man asked.

"No. Leave them there. They'll figure it out soon enough. If they aren't down by dawn tell me." He said.

-  
When Dawn arrived for them the group was still in the tress, half drunk and complaining still.

"You four have stable duty for the next month after this display." Treville said, looking up into the tree.

"Captain Treville you don't want to stand there. There's dogs about. They weren't very kind." Aramis replied. 

"Get down here!" he ordered.

Making their way down each found the ground in his own way. d'Artagnan's being flat on his face.

"I don't know how in the hell you've all lived this long in the company you keep but god help you if you see age long enough to get grey hair." 

"Athos has a few." Aramis responded. 

"For that comment the four of you can walk back to the garrison. There will be no resting you'll get straight to work."


	5. Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aramis is going to regret telling D'art about Porthos' weakness.

Athos was sent on a solo mission, Aramis, Porthos and d'Artagnan had stood out in the snow during guard duty and were seeking warmth from each other. And by each other it meant sticking Porthos in the muddle and settling against him. 

"Think 'thos is alright, it's starting to snow?" Aramis said, ever the worrier.

"He's fine he'll be back." Porthos mumbled half asleep.

"He's probably getting slowed down by the snow." d'Artagnan said. "We can wait for him together."

As it got dark for the night the fire was banked and tended to while the senior musketeers sent their pup off for wine and dinner. Leaving some for Athos when he returned the others climbed back into the bed.

"I still owe you something don't I?" Porthos stated.

"What are you talking about?" Aramis asked.

"Watch this d'Artagnan." Porthos said pulling Aramis' shirt up and starting to run his finger the length of the man's spine.

Aramis shivered from head to toe. Gasping Aramis bit his lip as he squirmed under Porthos' finger. 

d'Artagnan watched completely occupied as he watched one of his lover's come undone so easily.

"Work's every single time. I made him come like this once." Porthos said. "Ah, put yer nails away."

Aramis had come with his face tucked into the man's neck and nails digging into his chest.

"Maybe I should try it." d'Artagnan teased.

"Tough me like that and I'll ride you into next year." Aramis threw in.


	6. Glaring

"How long are you going to keep glaring at me?"

"Until Im satisfied with the events that took place to make the event happen." Athos replied.

"It's not the end of the world if we take it to our graves." Aramis replied.

"Which I'd like to be able to die and old man, preferably in my bed but I'll take my death on the battle field then at the end of a rope." he growled.

Across the courtyard d'Artagnan and Porthos had stopped their sparring to study the two. "What do you think they are talking about?"

"Don't know but the last time Athos glared at Aramis that hard was when Athos slept with the inn keeper's wife and he got shot for it." Porthos answered.

d'Artagnan's chin touched his head before shaking it. "Come on let them glare at each other. IF looks could kill he'd be dead already so there's nothing to worry about."


	7. That's cold!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which snow turns men into children.

IT was meant to be quiet and peaceful. For once everyone had the decency to stay in due to the amount of snow on the ground. But sadly this could not be said for all. The four inseparables were trudging in from a night of guard duty at the palace.

"I'll report in you three wait here and then we'll get something to eat." Athos told them.

"I'll be back." d'Artagnan said.

"Where you off to lad?" Porthos asked.

"Check on my horse." he lied. He lied very well with his back turned. He disappeared from their sight leaving Aramis and Porthos to stand about waiting.

Watching from a well hidden spot d'Artagnan busied himself with making snow balls for Athos' return. When said man finally came back he threw the first laughing as it hit aramis in the shoulder. 

"Boy this is not the war you want to have. Three against one is hardly fair."

"Forget fairness 'Mis he threw the first shot it's on." Porthos laughed and he ran off to take cover.

The next snowball met Athos' head taking his hat clean off his head. 

"I'm giving you both until the count of five to end this or I'll make you regret it." Athos replied. 

The next two hit him in the chest and shoulder and Aramis still standing next to him dumped a handful onto his head before taking cover.

D'Artagnan and Porthos came out of hiding with smiles on their faces. "You are no fun." 

*Three days later* 

Returning from guard duty again the snow was still fresh on the ground as Athos went to give the report they were all to tired to bother with the snow. The first caught a near asleep on his feet d'Artagnan in the face making him jump with surprise.

Looking around Porthos frowned.

The next one hit him in the back of the head knocking his hat off. 

Standing back to back they looked around trying to find a source. 

Before they could find it a dozen of so children came out of hiding pelting them with as many snow balls as they could before running off out of the courtyard.

"I told you you'd regret it." Athos's voice chimed.


	8. the youngest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the boys are jerks.

Being the youngest had its perks from time to time but it also meant that the others got to tease him at they saw fit. 

"It's pouring out." d'artagnan replied.

"Then run between the drops on your way to the baker." Athos replied.

"And don't come back if the bread is wet." Porthos added.

By the time he got back he was soaked head to toe but the bread and cheese were dry.

"And where the hell were you?" Treville asked upon seeing him.

"I was getting breakfast, Sir." he answered. What did he forget?

Treville ripped into him for not being present and ready for the monthly viewing of the guard. "You get to muck out the stables for the rest of the week. Starting right now." he ordered.

"Yes, Captain." 

From the balcony the others smiled. "You got our breakfast right?" Aramis asked. 

"Yeah I got it."

"You better had brought mine as well." Treville added.

d'Artagnan passed out breakfast and stood empty handed. 

"What you waiting for, lad, get to the stables." Porthos smiled.

Once he was gone Aramis frowned. "Maybe we should give him some."

"We'll buy him dinner and a bottle of wine later tonight." Athos replied. "We can'y starve our little brother."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern setting. Everyone is roommates and they are watching game of thrones.   
> Yeah Im a bit of throney. 
> 
> SPOILERS FOR SEASON FOUR GAME OF THRONES!!!!!!!!!

Four grown men at on their large sectional watch the first episode. as things started to turn for the episode they all sat on their couch.

"Yes, yes! Fucking die you little prick. Die!" Aramis shouted.

"No he needs to die slower. I want him to fucking suffer." Porthos replied. 

"Vicious little bastard!" D'art commented. 

"Where are they taking Sansa?" Athos asked as they showed her getting whisked away.

\-------

"No Shea, he loves you, how could you do that to him?" Aramis whined.

"Oh shit he's about to confess." 

As Tyrion gave his speech the four started clapping. "Yes, god damn it!" Athos cheered. 

\-------

"This bitch is fucking crazy and he's a creep. Pedophile!" Porthos cried out.

"She should push him out the moon door."

The further they watched they all saw her. "No Sansa don't do it. Dont fucking do it!" D'art said.

"she better not fall into this. She better play him like a fighting fiddle." Aramis said.

"No, she has to go back to King's Landing and kill Cersei. I wanted her to flip her shit and kill her." Athos commented.

\-------

"Where is she going?" Porthos asked.

As they watched they all began to smile as they saw Arya leave the hound and find the ship heading for Braavos. 

"That's my girl." Porthos clapped.


End file.
